Delegated Authority

Positivity:  One thing I am trying to do is put more positivity in my life.  I have friends that just exude positivity.  They are always “making lemonade out of lemons”, they always see the glass half full.  I want to be just like them!  I have a new mantra:  “I CAN rise above this!  Its JUST a bump in the road.”  I still need work having my intellectual side convince my emotional side - but I’m working on it, every day.

School:  I just found out that my cooperative education credits were approved for the fall semester.  So, yes, I will graduate, finally!  I’m also taking 2 actual classes this fall.  Elder Law and Lobbying and Legislative Practices.  Should be a fun semester!  Graduation, December 2010, here I come!

Kids*: Mine are all *officially* grown up now.  Jared turned 21 a week or so ago.  He lives with me (for the time being), and is busy with his job and his girlfriend.  Justin has a busy work schedule (about to get busier with his new promotion!), and well, Adam & Megan & Dylan live in PA. . .   I adore my kids.  I think they have grown into wonderful adults and I’m proud of them!

Health:  I’m lucky.  I have those few pounds I want to lose, of course.  I have what I would call “normal” aches and pains that come along with being middle aged (I can’t believe I even wrote that!) but basically, I am healthy.  My kids are, as far as I know, healthy.  My Granddude is growing and flourishing in awesomeness under the watchful eyes of his mommy & daddy.  Yes.  For this I am thankful!

Parents:  My dad has a terminal lung disease, and its a struggle for him every day.  Like anyone with this, he has good days and bad days.  He can live for years like this.  It breaks my heart, and I really wish I could do something to help him.  I see my Step-mom work so hard to help meet his needs and do everything in her power to take the best care of him.  She does a great job  :)  I wish I lived closer, though, so I could help give them time to relax some, and enjoy just….being….

Work:  I really like the firm I work for.  Generally being a Paralegal means I do legal legwork: research, preparation of documents; filing; edits; cite checking. . . that kind of stuff.  Lately we’ve all been asked to do a lot of work outside our typical job description (for me-accounting).  I know business is slow pretty much everywhere.  If they dont have much “legal legwork” for me to do, then they don’t have it for me to do.  I really hope that when the tide turns and the work is there, they remember that I am a Paralegal, not an accounting clerk.

 Goals:  My biggest goal this year was to improve myself.  Just recently I realized I actually have a backbone (hehehe).  However, standing up for yourself is one thing.  Improving your self-esteem and self-confidence is a whole different show.  Even working hard at it, this might take a while.  I’m fortunate that I have a great support group of family & friends who cheer me on; who point out the things I can’t seem to see for myself.  I know it existed in me at one time, and I am determined to get “me” back!  I think I have made some decent headway working on this goal, but it will be an evolving project that requires tweaking now and then.

♥♥ And, right when I thought 2010 couldn’t get any better, I found out Adam and Megan are pregnant again!  I get to be Gramma x2!  They are wonderful parents and I just could not be happier for them!

Tootles.

*Kids- when I say this, I mean, forevermore, my 3 sons, and their spouse(s) (if any)!

I’ve been waiting for this day for…. 12 weeks. 

It doesn’t sound like much, I know, but this semester… this semester made me feel like I was in college, learning!  Other than taking Biology, which was required for me to graduate, I took advanced legal research.  Biology- I struggled with that the whole semester.  I worked.  Hard.  I just don’t “get it” and even when I think I do, well, I find out that really, I don’t.  I did everything I could for extra credit and tried to keep up with the pace of the discussions.  Most of the time I was lost, but I seemed to do okay on most of the quizzes and exams.  DNA about killed me, and it gave me the only truly low grades I got in the class.  Fortunately I got a 100 on my term paper.  I still think she didn’t read it, but hey, I’ll take the (much needed) 100.  As for the advanced legal research- well, I was challenged, I struggled and I perservered.  I knew going it it wasn’t a “cake walk” type of course.  I knew it was going to be labor intensive.  It was.  While for the most part I knew what I was doing (I do this for a living), we were asked to research subjects that were not easy to find and challenging to write about once we gathered our sources.  My kind of work!  Gruelling, but rewarding.

However, all that said, I’m glad the semester is over.  It was a lot of work, and I think I may just have existed in a haze for the past 3 months.  The fog can clear now, and I can take a few deep breaths.

My thoughts to take courses this summer didn’t pan out.  So much for graduating “early”.  However, I still have my eye on graduating in December.  I’ve reapplied for the cooperative education credits, and if they are accepted, then I will only have 2 classes left to take, and plan on taking them in the fall.  Sweet!

I’ve spent the past week trying to organize my thoughts, making lists comparing the pro’s and con’s and just giving a lot of thought and consideration to whether or not I want to go to law school.

My answer is no.  Yes it has been a longtime dream.  Yes, it is attainable.  However, between the financial end and the family end, there just isn’t any competition.  Family will always win, hands down. 

Lets face it, I’m middle aged.  Sometimes I wonder how I made it this far.  But the reality is no one knows how long they will live and instead of spending the next 5 years like I have the past 4, studying all the time and having very little time for family and friends, I’m opting for family and friends.  I have always felt that a Bachelor’s degree was something I needed to do.  With the economy the way it is, I have been determined to get it done.  With an associates degree I am ‘okay’ in the job market.  With a Bachelor’s degree, I am definitely marketable, especially with my considerable experience in the field.

I’ve said it before.  I truly love my job.  I like and enjoy being around the people I work with.  Maybe if I hated my job, I’d find it easier to choose pursuing a graduate degree.  But I don’t.  I look forward to going to work every day.  I look forward to the challenges it presents (or sometimes, doesn’t present).  I like knowing I’m going to learn something new about American Indians almost every day.

I’m looking forward to graduating either in August or December (the school is still reviewing all that).  I’m looking forward to being able to say ‘I did it’. 

I am going to relish in spending more time with my family and friends.

Word.

Today would have been my ‘real’ mom’s 84th birthday.  My mom died at the young age of 51.  She still had so much life ahead of her.  Grandchildren, of which at the time there were only 4; now number 13.  There are even 7 great grandchildren!  I know she would be proud to be the Matriarch of the brood she left behind.

 I hope she’s having a big bash in whatever spirit world she now inhabits.

For as long as I can remember, there were two things that were certain in my life. First, I wanted to be a mom.  It was most definitely the part of my life I can never imagine doing without.  My boys are my pride and joy.  I live and breathe for them.  I knew that when the youngest grew up, I’d have my chance to pursue my other dream - to be a lawyer.

Well, I’d call phase 1 of my life a raging success.  My boys are good people, they have good souls, they try hard to make good lives for themselves (and, in Adams case, for his family).  They are each successful in their own way, and that is, in my mind, what counts.

Phase 2 has been tricky.  When Jared was about 6 I went back to school.  I started out following the Paralegal trail, excited with the idea that I would be able to work in the field as I pursued my career in law.  Here I sit, at the ripe old age of 48 (which , fwiw, really isnt old!), seeing the possible light at the end of the tunnel. . .  in 5 more years.  However, the more I consider the idea of going to law school, the more I think I’m not going to continue down that path.  Its not that I *dont want to*.  Its more of the position it will put me in when I get there.  Instead of being able to work and enjoy a job I love, I will be working and scrimping, and just getting by (due to the 6 digit student loans).  Worrying about the future, and certainly not having enough time to enjoy my family and my life.  I certainly wouldn’t be able to retire early or relax much.  Sure the possiblity exists that I would get some smashing job at a firm that pays phenominally, but really?  I’m more the type to work for a cause and not for a dollar.  (One of the most attractive things about the firm I’m with now)  And honestly, the chances of getting a job like that are about the same as any hotshot baseball playing kid making it to the pro’s.  It can happen, but more often than not, it doesn’t.

Its now time for me to choose.  If I’m going to law school, now is the time I have to start getting things lined up, entrance exams, essays, applications, etc.  Thoughts of altering my dream are sneaking into my head.  Its hard to let go of a dream that you have had for sooo many years and to settle for something just short of it.  But in the columns of pro’s and con’s, the idea that I won’t have to work the rest of my life just to pay back the government for the pleasure of going to school is a pretty big ‘pro’.  Being in my mid-50’s and knowing the road is still long ahead of me is not exactly the way I had hoped it would turn out.  So that’s a ‘con’.  If I accept ‘just being a paralegal’, I can look forward to time with family and friends, continuing to enjoy my job, and the satisfaction of having worked so hard to obtain my BS degree.  Its a lot to consider.

The alternative is really nothing to sneeze at either.  If I choose the alternate path, I would finish my BS in Legal Studies and take a certifying exam to become either a “Registered Paralegal” or a “Certified Legal Assistant”. . .(they are both the same thing, just depends on where you are and what test you take).  The exam is 2 days, much like the bar exam for lawyers, and requires you to know a whole lot about the law.  It also requires continuing education to maintain the Certification.  The certification is the standard for the industry, letting [future] employers know that you have attained a certain level of knowledge.   (Plus, I’d get to put letters behind my name, professionally :P  either RP or CLA).

I have a feeling I’ve already made my choice. . .  but I’m going to think it over for a few more days before I commit.

Letting go sucks.

In the past week, I have found out that I can, most likely, graduate in August instead of December.  That is great news!  However, it comes with many, many strings attached.  That means the process of picking and applying to law schools must commence.

My first step was to meet with an advisor with expertise on such things as timelines/scores/study techniques - to study for the LSAT, when to take the LSAT (it is only offered 4 times a year), when and how to acquire all the necessary paperwork for the admissions process, including letters of recommendation and a personal essay (which can vary with the schools applied to), transcripts. . . you get the idea.  All of this would be for a September 2011 admission… a year and a half away!

In theory by June, I need to have studied the material, figured out my “path” to discerning the true questions and answers (apparently method of dissecting the question is very important to giving the correct answer), and have taken 30 (or preferably more) sample exams (timed), etc.  Oh, and there is still the little annoying details that also have to be done…you know, a full-time job and finishing the Spring and Summer semesters of school! 

I’ve decided that the best way for me to attack this is to post a BIG calendar in my room, showing all the target dates and due dates, and my progress.  That way it won’t slip my mind, and will also keep me focused when it gets to be too much (and it will get to be too much).

I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it!

(But very excited, too!)

I’ve decided to start trying a few new foods.  (don’t laugh!) 

I am not sure how far I will go with this, but I figured its about time.  I’m not even sure why I decided that I should try new foods.  I guess it goes along with the ‘new me’.  I doubt I’ll be as impressive as Adam, trying, basically, one new food/vegetable a month.  I don’t think I’m *that* open minded.  However, thoughts of baby steps in widening my food horizons have crossed my mind lately so I figured, what the heck!

Today I tried yogurt.  Yeah, I know, all of you out there groaning.  Well, I’ve never liked the smell… or the thought of cultured milk being tasty.  But today?  All negative thoughts went out the window, and I had a serving of Yoplait strawberry yogurt.  I will begrudgingly admit it was pretty good.  Not ‘its tastes like pudding’ good, but acceptable nontheless. 

I may just have to have some more one day.

I’ve never minced words when it comes to how much I love my family, that is for sure.  They just dont come any better!  But today, well, I want to talk about friends.  I talk a lot (shush!), and you’d think I would have the ability to be more eloquent with what I say.  I’m not.  I’m just me.  Just understand that I always speak from my heart, no matter how inept it comes out sounding!

See, many years ago, I crossed paths with some really wonderful people.  In some cases, the time we shared was short- months, a year here and there.  But we “clicked.”  Life took its twists and turns, and I moved.  A lot.  From everywhere from (I’ll start at the age of 16, or this post will be entirely too long!) Texas, North Carolina, to Maryland, Louisiana, Mississippi, Louisiana (again), California, Portugal, California (again), Virginia and Maryland (again, and again, and again).  In some cases, they moved :).  Regardless.  I digress.  Again. life took over and time passed.  Fast.

Recently, especially with the advent of my introduction to FaceBook, I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with those friends.  You know what?  Its like we never missed a beat.  Like 20-30 years have not passed, like time stood still waiting for us to catch up.  These friends, they are the kind that you just can’t live a full life without.  (Re)Acceptance, warts and all, with n’ary the bat of an eye.

All of this is to say,  I’m so glad we have this opportunity to reconnect, that geographical distance is nothing but an annoyance, and that we have new opportunities to share, now and in the future.

Thank you - for who you are, and who you’ve helped to make me.  My life is much richer because you are in it!

Okay, its time for all 3 of you that read my blog to show your [internet] faces.

Today is Official DELURKING day!

So, C’mon, you know you wanna!  Let me know you have stopped by!

Thanks!